open letter from someone with bpd

It's not your fault. My heart breaks each time. Debbie, Hi Damask thank you so much for taking the time to write such a beautiful comment. You are not the cause of our suffering. Love, Linda <3. I don't think I saw mention of co-occuring illnesses in this (but I may have missed it because I have a "reading disorder"not dyslexia, comphrehension. Thank you for the hope you have given us.and putting it in terms we can understand. I've learned how to focus on the important things and how to handle my emotions. Tonight tho as she is in the psych ward I feel as tho my world is crashing down around me. I'll buy them groceries. I myself work in the mental health field and see her mental health declining. I briefly contemplated not telling my story because of that very fact, but have decided to post it despite that fact. We may avoid you, not answer calls, and decline invitations to be around you and other times, all we want to do is be around you. It's all chaos. i love your article and i wish that i was that far ahead; we are given just one year of dbt then we get on with it alone; there may be a graduate group but it will only be every month or two for a few hours and no therapy; my dbt ended about a month ago and far from moving on i am regressing and i feel that i have never done it at all; i would so like to be able to see things as you do but it looks very unlikely that i ever will; i would say give thanks every day for what you have been given and spare a thought and maybe a prayer for those of us who are still in the pits and stuggling; one year is just not enough to make the skills part of ones life. . I thought life was hopeless and i would always feel the way i do. Boredom is often dangerous for us, as it can lead to the feelings of emptiness. I have been diagnosed with other things except for this. Very occasionally, though (It just happened three nights ago for the 4th time in our 15-month relationship), I'll lose my own head and say some terse and unfair things. This isn't to say that they're evil. Thank you so much. Hello thank you so much for sharing. Imagine the most intense feeling you have ever had in your life. By sharing your experience, you can let others know that they are not alone. This is known as PTSD, and it happens to a lot of us, too.). These are a few of the words that have been used to describe individuals suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. My surroundings have left me feeling like there is no hope, because no one wants to help. In the past when she gets to busy she ends up in the hospital. I want to get help, but I know we have no money. , Hi Tea You're welcome, and thank you as always for the kind feedback. Click to enable/disable essential site cookies. These episodes can get farther and fewer between, and we can experience long periods of stability and regulation of our emotions. I no longer do the things I used to do. I held on to you so tightly then, and I still do now because, to me, you are the answer, you are the only person in the world. All we can do is pray at this point. My kneejerk concern about the situation sometimes is rejection, but I try to put the feelings she is going through in perspective and just wait. Even in this letter, she puts me on a pedestal and subsequently knocks me off it. , Oh Debbie, once again, you have kept it real. I would try to calm him down by reminding him how much I love him and that I won't give up on him. Thank you. I am a woman with BPD. Forgot those important facts. My family "tolerates" me. Yes, YOU can imagine. While this is the basic description for BPD, the complexity of this disorder is extreme. We're currently in the middle of another episode as I write this. It will help many (like me) who haven't put all these beautiful words and explanations together in such a succinct and informative way.You should be very proud of this as you have quite a command of BPD and how to present it in a respectful and honest manner. And it felt like nothing I could ever do to try to improve myself would ever matter to the people I cared for, because of everything that had happened in my past. I am very glad that your husband is open to supporting you and hope that the letter helped. I made it though, and I now know that I have so much to offer to my future clients because of my own experience with mental illnesses. About 1.7% of American adults have BPD in any given year, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Appointments 866.588.2264. After experiencing a lack of support at work, Beth became a champion for workplace mental health. Of course all of this makes me wonder..maybe i'm just lazy or _____ whatever.and then some family members think I *want* to be depressed or anxious or whatever (they think the origin was my mother's death, 20 yrs ago, but I was depressed before that and have told them). You can find even more stories on our Home page. Shows that YES there is hope and not only have you found it but, you have it held tightly in your grasp!! All in all today I am successfull in all that I set my mind on to do. I am sorry you were scared. I wish you so much healing and hope as you continue on your journey. My friend is having a sense of impending doom. Win a copy of my new book, Stronger Than BPD! Self-harm, threatening or attempting suicide. In the interest of our child, I have put him into therapy. BPD is also sometimes known as 'emotionally unstable personality disorder', but even that label feels somewhat prejudiced to me. After the latest episode she tells me that I have to earn back her trust. If you see anything like this, RUN. Children are malleable, they are clay being shaped by their parents and by their experiences. It is possible that something that you said or did triggered us. You deserve to understand more about this condition and what we wish we could say but may not be ready. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator. That can make you act erratically. It sounds like your Mom cares to find out what's happening for you. I think that one if the distinct differences in the diagnosis is the willingness to show vulnerability. If you have BPD, you may have had work experiences that upset you, the people who worked with you, or both. I do love him and I am asking the Lord to help me help him. However, it's my belief that the letter does little to help the children of borderlines. You might feel like you're being held hostage . Dr. Marsha Linehan, founder of DBT, likens us to 3rd degree emotional burn victims. Until I got out of all the physc stuff , non groups and started to directly talk or better said listen to those that suffer from BPD I really had no idea. "It was a sort of love few other people could understand. If you have decided to tap into your strength and stand by your loved one with BPD, you probably need support too. However, it isn't helpful for their children in the same way. Write as much as you'd like, pour out your heart and soul and tell him how hurt you are and how much you didn't deserve such horrific treatment. I guess my point is, Is there hope for a person with BPD that can even realize that something is wrong despite I can see many symptoms?Thank you so much for your guidance. Debbie, Kelly, thank you so much for letting me know! Thank you for your heartfelt comment in response to my letter. I am LOST! Another thing you may have noticed is that spaced out look on our faces. There are ups and downs for everyone, mentally healthy or not. She struggles with accepting herself and most of all loving herself which in turn hinders her from being healthy both mentally and physically. I LOVE lashing out at my supportive boyfriend (thank GOD he is learning about this). It's hard. So for the next two months she drove an hour each way to attend IOP. All Rights Reserved. I have subjected myself to 2 abusive relationships, and have 2 children by both of my abusers. Needless to say, if you have a loved one with BPD, life can be fraught with crises and conflict. I'm fortunate enough to have a man in my life who is willing to put up with my ups and downs, how mean I can be for no reason so many things. Princess Diana: The disorder is also prevalent in royal families, and the most charismatic and famous celebrity suffering from it was Princess Diana. Furthermore, this grandparent generally claims to be perfectly well and claims that there is something wrong with all the rest of us. My mom and dad talked about my fear of abandonment and decided not to go on long vacations together anymore, because I always become unstable when they do. When I was told what it was, I went home and researched everything I could about it. Perhaps you have tried so many things to ease the pain, but nothing has worked. I was diagnosed at around 21 but had it in my records as 'potential' at 16 because of severe depression, suicidal ideation, and self harm. I truly hope you have connected with resources to support you and have had a chance to learn more about DBT! Borderline Personality Disorder: Is there hope? Please give yourself time and hold on in hope. Its as if we havent outgrown that. In my experience, one of the most effective ways of doing this is to find someone who as gone through the DBT treatment to share some of their experiences with potential or new clients. Our brains literally disconnect, and our thoughts go somewhere else, as our brains are trying to protect us from additional emotional trauma. Debbie now teaches the DBT skills that helped change her life over at. You are toxic. Thank you so much for posting this. I was 16. I hurt you again and my fear of abandonment means Im searching for a different outcome each time. Its difficult, after all, to relate to others properly when you dont have a solid understanding of yourself and who you are, apart from everyone else around you. It felt as though my very real issues were being labelled as some sort of 'mood swing'. My wife got me a book back in 2004 called Walking On Egg Shells that has helped me so very much. Ironic though since it was my family putting me through hell for years that caused me to develop BPD. I think all the time, but, what DO I DO?! Enough said. I got itchy, restless, looking for distractions to avoid looking at myself, my escalating issues, facing the things I didnt understand and trying to fill the void when you werent there. Your letter touches on a subject that my husband and I are taking to my therapist just this week. And guess what? I hope to afford continuing to see my therapist. I can tell you, from personal experience, that working on this illness through DBT is worth the fight. I keep reading things about how we cant love and that people should stay well clear of us, thankyou for writing this, my ex split with me, a week ago nd ive signed over my house coz she has nowhere to go, she jus thinks im trying to get back with her and has been told to cut all ties coz I will make her life hell, just feel so alone. Love, Andrea, You are so welcome, Heather. I refuse to believe it. Brea, it can be really difficult when financials are suffering, but there are many people out there self-teaching the skills until such a time that they can afford to go to groups or individual DBT. No one is perfect and no one has life figured out, we are all troubled in some way. You havebecome a homemaker, a mother and a wife. Share your story, message,poem, quote, photo or video of hope, struggle or recovery. I imploded at the thought of those same emotions and endless possibilities all leading you to leave me, to this. We were married for 12 years and the relationship was defined by me reassuring her that she was good enough, while she would constantly go through massive unpredictable mood swings. Debbie. Perhaps some don't even reach that point. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a severe, complex illness that is marked by frequent mood changes, an unstable self-image and intense, unbalanced relationships. Yeah, I love hating my life and feeling like I've waste most of it and being almost 40 and feeling like a teenager. Initially I thought we just fell out of love and she was unable to deal with that reality (like maybe she needed a larger reason like alcoholism or abuse rather than just drifting apart). I thank higher powers for not leaving life. Open Letter from those with Borderline Personality Disorder (With Narration and Text) Healing From BPD 16.3K subscribers 529K views 10 years ago Click here to read the full letter in. The case workers I had treated me no better. Now she teaches DBT, has written several books and has a blog called, Previous post: Finding peace amongst the turmoil, An Open Letter to People who do Not have Borderline Personality Disorder from Those of Us who Do, this blog (Healing from BPD by Debbie Corso), Remind yourself that the persons behavior isnt your fault, Tap into your compassion for the persons suffering while understanding that their behavior is probably an intense reaction to that suffering, Do things to take care of YOU. What loved ones may not realize though . Those 9 criteria and what this letter describes is sadly what i think it is like for someone to live with me. A certain song, sound, smell, or words can quickly fire off neurological connections that bring us back to a place where we didnt feel safe, and we might respond in the now with a similar reaction (think of military persons who fight in combat a simple backfiring of a car can send them into flashbacks. It was a touch and go for 3 days. Zahra Navabi*, a 20-year-old student diagnosed with BPD around July 2020, has always struggled with her mental health, her perception of herself, and her relationship with her emotions. Distancing can also trigger all kinds of abandonment and trust issues for the "BPD" partner (as described in #4). You may be frustrated, feeling helpless, and ready to give up. Its difficult, after all, to relate to others properly when you dont have a solid understanding of yourself and who you are, apart from everyone else around you. That's fun too.) It's like you're a baby learning everything all over again. Somewhere between 1.6% and 5.9% of adults in the US have BPD, a personality disorder that's characterized by difficulty regulating emotion. , There are still some professionals who are not up to speed with the treatments that can effectively help those with BPD. I am actually building up an identity, something that is ME. I am so thankful that they seem to get it. The following cookies are also needed - You can choose if you want to allow them: You can read about our cookies and privacy settings in detail on our Privacy Policy Page. Thank you so much for this letter. Perhaps he still loves me and he still wants to try (I think he's been having a breakdown anyway, due to his father being very ill and the chance he'll be homeless when his dad dies). That is wonderful. Shrug. Thank you, and best wishes for the future. This is my second year in DBT. Maybe Debbie wants to add the Ducht version at her list of translations on her website? 1. I am on the edge. She is educated and successful, and to all the other people in her life, except for close family, she seems confident and put together. But this will always prompt you to accept/refuse cookies when revisiting our site. You juggled everything with such grace, intelligence and humility even as your husband found it harder to keep being the man you knew. strong, overwhelming emotions and feelings. 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